Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
