Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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