i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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