If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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