you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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