so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
