i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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