We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize