i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
