Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
