we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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