this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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