he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
