Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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