I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize