Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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