I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
