I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I love having hate sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
