and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have already put on my inside pants.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
