I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize