i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
