i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
