I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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