can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
