He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
