Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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