Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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