Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
