Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize