I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
