Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
