So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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