Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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