The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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