hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
