brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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