I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
