True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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