Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
