a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
