so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
