Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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