Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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