Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
