Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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