I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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