I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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