You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
