She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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