it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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