I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
MIDGETS
????
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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