If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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