If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize