ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
