Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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