To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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