I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
