turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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