brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
