With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize