Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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