I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
