cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
