The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
