It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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