so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize