Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
