You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize