You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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