im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
